During one of her daily classes a
teacher trying to teach good manners,
asked her students the following
question:
“Michael, if you were on a date
having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have
to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said, “Just a minute I have
to go pee.”
The teacher responded by
saying, “That would be rude and
impolite.
What about you Peter, how would you
say it?”
Peter said, “I am sorry, but I really
need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be
right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not
very nice to say the word bathroom at
the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use
your brain for once and show us your
good manners?”
” I would say: Darling, may I please
be excused for a moment? I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend
of mine, whom I hope you’ll get to
meet after dinner.”
The teacher
fainted… …………………
********
NARS: doc, bat tinanggihan nyo yung pasyente?
DR: alin, yung bakla?
NARS: opo. Baka sabihin namimili tayo, porket bading siya.
DR: ano naman raraspahin ko sa kanya?
=========
things you don’t want to hear during your own surgery:
-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?
-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.
-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?
-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!
=========
MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?
MR: uhm.. both..
MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and ugly?
MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you’re pretty ugly.
=========
BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?
PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.
BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili mo niyan?
PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso macchiato sa starbucks!
==========
TRIVIA: do you know how they make rubber gloves in China ?
Workers deep their hands into melted latex, then air-dry them.
Now guess how they make condoms?
==========
Why God invented menopause:
Once upon a time, a 70 year old woman gave birth.
BISITA: pwedeng makita ang baby mo?
MOM: mamaya na.
30 minutes after.
BISITA: pwede na bang makita?
MOM: oo, pero hintay muna tayo na umiyak kasi nakalimutan ko kung saan
ko linagay.
===========
TEACHER: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
TEACHER: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
TEACHER: hindi! mas maliit ito sa chicken.
BOY: knorr chicken cubes!
TEACHER: get out!
===========
when your lips are silent and your eyes are closed and your ears are
deaf. It only means one thing. May discount ka sa jeep. Disabled ka
‘tol, disabled!
============ =
MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na
lang po!
============
Divorced father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong cheke at
sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for child
support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.
Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last support na
niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw expression ng
face mo.
Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta
kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!
============
BOY: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common
denominator daw.
DAD: ha? aba’y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah!
Aba’y di pa ba nila nakikita?
============
